I chose today to write a new post because Valentine’s Day is a time that the sarcasm and disgust is seeping out of my pores. I can’t help but gag at every jewelry commercial on TV. Every kiss doesn’t start with Kay…Bitch, please. A first kiss starts with anything but. Usually it’s because you have that animalistic urge and you want what’s in their pants, not what’s in a velvet box. If he went to Jared, run away. Nobody wants that shit. Every time I see Jane Seymore (or should I say, Kitty Kat) promoting her ugly heart necklace, I think of Wedding Crashers. I can’t help but picture her topless.
I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day. Some of you may be curious as to why I don’t like Valentine’s, while others probably don’t give a donkey shit. If you’re reading this pathetic blog, you’re probably at least curious, right?
Reasons why I don’t like Valentine’s Day:
1. It’s stupid.
2. Too many expectations. There is WAY too much pressure on people (men) to find the perfect gift and WAY too many expectations (women).
3. Why spend ONE day of the year expressing your love for your sweetie? Can’t it be some random day when they’re not expecting anything? I would much rather get flowers, candy, or sparkly shit on a completely random day.
4. It’s stupid.
I’ve never been one to celebrate. In grade school, we used to go all out. We would make our little Valentine’s bags that we would attach to our desks for people to deposit their Valentine’s in. We would use brown paper lunch bags and decorate them with construction paper hearts, doilies, and glitter. Across the top of our bags would be our name written in big, bold red marker. They would be filled with candy, hand-made cards with mounds of Elmer’s Glue and cliche phrases like, “Be Mine” and pre-made Valentine’s with the perforated edges with Looney Tunes characters. (I miss the Looney Tunes.)
When I became of dating age, I was either single or I dated unthoughtful douchebags. I can remember in high school, sitting in the car, outside of a gas station, the DAY BEFORE Valentine’s Day, and I could see my boyfriend at the time looking for a Valentine’s Day card. Romantic.
Since then, I guess I never had a reason to be excited about Vday. Even after getting married, I still didn’t feel the urge to celebrate. I like the idea of making it a surprise and celebrating on random days. When C-money brings home flowers, JUST BECAUSE, or when he makes dinner, JUST BECAUSE, or when he brings me a sweet treat, JUST BECAUSE. THOSE moments are better than anything on Vday. The best part, they’re not expected and he’s not obligated. But, I guess if he came home with a Looney Tunes Valentine, I’d accept.