“Whaaaaatt is haaaaappeniiiiing??”

ImagePhoto Credit: Yours Truly

Well, nothing like waiting more than 6 months to update the ol’ blog! A lot has happened in the last few months and my bitterness and disdain about moving to Alaska has subsided. I am now perfectly content with Sitka living and have settled in nicely. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to spend the rest of our lives here, but I’m perfectly content with Sitka life. It’s amazing what a few months of positivity and clarity can do to someone. If you would’ve asked me a year ago what I thought of Sitka, it would have been described using negative adjectives and swear words you would typically expect from me.

We have met some incredible people, have had incredible Alaskan experiences, and continue to enjoy our time here. Plus, we have two adorable fur babies who make each day more enjoyable and entertaining. We are truly lucky to live in a place surrounded by beauty and once-in-a-lifetime experiences. Just last weekend we went out with great friends on their boat to watch the herring boats in action. If you are unfamiliar with the craziness that surrounds herring season, just Google it or look for videos on YouTube. Once a year, herring season opens for about a week. Locals and other fishermen spanning from Alaska, Washington, Oregon to Hawaii travel to Sitka to fish for herring. Before the actual opening, you’ll see TONS of boats getting ready and head out to the area that planes have spotted where the herring are. They wait anxiously until the call is made over the radio. Last weekend there were over 200 boats (seiners, tenders, skiffs, etc.) waiting for their big catch. We listened to the radio as Fish & Game made the countdown. “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1….Sitka Sac Roe Fishing is now officially open.” Once those magic words were made over the radio, it was like nothing I’ve ever seen. Boats zipping around setting their nets and bringing them back in. A few years ago, there was a boat that in one set, they had nearly $1 MILLION dollars. Yep, that’s a million dollars worth of herring in ONE net. Not only are there hundreds of boats in the water, there are multiple planes in the air spotting for herring. The best part is the wildlife. You’ll see whales spouting around the area, bald eagles will literally paint the sky, and thousands of seagulls and such. It’s beyond crazy and amazing all at the same time.

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Follow me on Instagram for more photos like above: @alikstump

It’s experiences like these that make living in Alaska totally worth it. We’re lucky to be surrounded by ocean and mountains, incredible wildlife, and have the opportunities to experience once-in-a-lifetime events. Last weekend was truly unforgettable. Bet you want to visit, huh?

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You’ve gotta be kidding me.

September 2nd will mark the 9 month anniversary of being here…can you believe it? Some days I feel like I’ve been here 2 years and then some days I feel like it has flown by. I’m definitely settling in and getting used to Sitka life. Sunny, 65 degree days and I’m peeling layers and wearing shorts. “Hot” 75 degree days (rare) and I’m sweating like a whore in church. Rainy, dreary days and I’m not even using an umbrella. Muddy, sloppy softball fields with inevitable rainfall, I’m playing anyway. It has taken me a LONG time to (START to) get used to the change in weather and surroundings, but I’m coming along. We’ve met some awesome people and have THE best neighbors  you could ask for. We are both on city league softball teams (C-money and I are on a co-ed team and I’m on a women’s team) and have enjoyed it, minus the minor injuries on my behalf. I recently got a job that I LOVE and am so thrilled to be working again. That housewife thing was not my forte. We live in a great neighborhood where kids are playing basketball in the street and riding their bikes back and forth. Just the other day I was watching some kids ride their bikes and it took me back to when I was a kid. Although, the ones that were riding their bikes were WAY younger than I was when I learned. Yes, I was a late bloomer when it came to learning how to ride a bike. I had an awful bike wreck while learning. I slipped off the seat and hit my pubic bone on the metal bar so hard, I burst into tears and ran away cupping my crotch. If I were a boy, I’m pretty sure my wiener would’ve been swallowed by my butthole. I was traumatized and never wanted to ride again. Hence the reason why I threw my bike down and avoided riding until I was 10. Yep, 10 years old. Traumatic bike experience aside, I’ve started to notice the small things in life that we take for granted, like being a kid again and riding innocently down the street. Life is way too short to focus on the negative.

You may be thinking, “Holy shit. This is the most optimistic she’s ever sounded.” Well, don’t count your chickens too fast….I have my moments. Lately I’m trying to seek out the good, not focus on the bad, and be more optimistic. Until today.

Elliott has been having issues with chronic ear infections. The combination of living in a rainforest, perfect climate for nasty shit to grow in one’s ear(s), AND having a dog with cute, long, floppy ears that make a perfect environment for such infections creates a shit-storm. Today, I had made an appointment for her to get her ear flushed AGAIN. I got up, got ready, and walked out of the house at 8:25a. I walked out the door with the dogs and only 1 leash (I only needed 1 to take Elliott into the vet since I was leaving Finley in the car) and my purse. I shut the door and headed to my car. Shit. I don’t have my keys. Double shit. I’m locked out and we have no spare key hidden. Jesus Christ. This isn’t happening. I called the property management company to see if they could let me in, but their office didn’t open until 10am. Faaaaack. I called C-money and had him come all the way from work to open the door. This is all leading up to me having to go to work at 9:30. Time was ticking away. I still had to get Elliott to the vet, drive back home, put on work clothes and go to work. As I waited for C-money to show up with a key, I sat on the front step like a dumbass with both dogs attached to the same leash. I felt so dumb and so defeated. When he finally got home to unlock the door, I hauled ass to the vet passing a cop going the other direction. Thankfully he didn’t pull me over because I was definitely speeding. After the vet, I hauled ass back home to change. I threw my stuff down and walked through the house only to find a pile of dog puke. Fabulous. As I hovered over a heaping pile of chunky dog puke, my eyes began to water and I could feel the lump in my throat. I started to gag profusely. Luckily, I only kept it to one pile of puke to clean up as I kept my shit together and held back my own vomit. After I cleaned that mess up, I changed clothes and flew out the door to head to work. I got to work in a disorganized shamble only to find out my schedule was given to me with the wrong time. I showed up at 9:30a and was on the original schedule at noon instead. You’ve gotta be kidding me. What else could go wrong? As I left to have the morning off, I ran into our property manager in the parking lot. Yesterday, they showed the house we’re renting since the homeowners listed it at the beginning of the summer. We’ve been keeping our fingers crossed that it doesn’t sell so we don’t have to move. Apparently the showing went well but she had no inclination either way if they were interested enough to make an offer. I finally got home to let out a big sigh of sheer mental exhaustion, only to get a call from the realtor’s office. They needed to show the house again tomorrow. Shit. 

It’s 10:44am. What else could go wrong?

All venting aside, I guess I’ll use this shitty morning as a lesson. I need to remember the positive:

1. I have a loving husband who is willing to leave work to come home and open the door, without making fun of me.

2. I have two beautiful fur babies who love me unconditionally, even though I’m a dumbass sometimes.

3. I have a roof over my head.

4. I have a dependable car that allows me to haul ass to the vet when need be.

5. I have a pantry full of paper towels and carpet cleaner to clean up piles of dog puke.

6. I have a job that I love, with coworkers that can laugh and sympathize at the same time.

7. I have a silly blog that allows me to vent when I need to.

8. I have (a few) blog followers that get entertainment out of my ridiculous blog posts.

Even though this morning was a shit-storm, I am still able to recognize the good out of the bad. See?? I have come a long way. Namaste.

Word is the word.

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I don’t know if any of you have played “Words With Friends”, but you should. I’m a recent follower and I must say, I’m addicted. Hey, it’s healthier than meth. At least it exercises the ol’ bean in a good way and doesn’t make my teeth fall out. Seriously, tech haters, there are way worse things than playing games on your phone.

I truly love this game…until it gives me messages like the one depicted above. Seriously?! It is most definitely a word and it happens to be a godsend. Damn you, Words With Friends.

That John Denver is full of shit, man.

So, I know I said new blog posts were “coming soon” and I would be more diligent about writing more often….here’s the thing; Sitka doesn’t have the best weather track record, so if it’s nice, I won’t be inside blogging. End of story. We’ve had awesome (for Sitka) weather and I’ve been enjoying it while it lasts. Sunshine on my goddamn shoulders, John Denver!! Halle-fucking-leujiah! So here’s my public apology for not writing, but I think one can understand.

Until it rains…new posts will be coming. Patience, my peeps.

Better late than never.

Well, nothing like waiting 2 months to write a new blog post. Talk about procrastination at its finest. Kind of reminds me of my freshman year of college. Let’s just hope the binge drinking and poor decision making doesn’t follow…hey, at least this blog isn’t graded or gives you crabs. (Not that I ever got crabs, but you get the point.)

Stay tuned for more stories…coming soon.

Maybe, baby.

Since we’ve moved up to the Last Frontier, the thought of babies has always been on the back of our minds. Do we? Don’t we? Should we wait? Should we go ahead and start? Everyone keeps saying we should since there isn’t anything else to do up here. Valid point, people. Touche. We both want kids…at some point. We ARE going to be here for two years. I’m currently unemployed. Why not? I begin to accept the notions of reproducing and then reality sets in…We still want to travel, we’re not completely ready yet, we want to get our savings in a better place, and for me personally, I want to be in PRIME shape before I get pregnant. In the last few months of being here, I haven’t been as active as I was prior to moving up here. Before, I worked 40 hours a week and did Pure Barre 5 times a week. Physically, I was in the best shape since high school sports. Now, I’m not working and I’m not working out as much. Less activity = bigger momma. I currently weigh more than I EVER have in my life. I’ve put on (almost) 10 lbs. Granted, I always gain weight in the winter because let’s face it, the weather sucks and comfort food is, well, freaking delicious.

We’re beginning to be surrounded by babies. My brother, sister-in-law, and their new baby moved up here last week. Holy goddamn cute. She is such a sweet baby. Being around her starts making C-money and I think differently about waiting. Also, some of our best friends are also pregnant or are just having babies. This past Easter, a group of us were sitting around talking about pregnancy. My sister-in-law and a friend were talking about their pregnancies. My sister-in-law had the epitome of easy pregnancies. She felt great, looked great, and had an “easy” ALL NATURAL delivery & recovery. I started thinking about what I would be like when pregnant…of course, true to form, I began to imagine the worst pregnancy ever: I would be sicker than a dog, puking for 9 months straight of course, have horrible constipation and be backed up like the Hoover Dam, have heart burn that would radiate my kneecaps (yes, that was a “Juno” reference), have varicose veins so bad it would look like someone took a blue sharpie to my legs and played connect the dots, have hemorrhoids where it looked like I sat on a plate of hamburger meat, have cankles the size of tree trunks, all while resembling Shamu. Eeeeesh, I began to move my readiness higher on the scale. (By the way, we have a scale of 1 to 10 depicting where we are in our readiness for children. 1 is ready, while 10 is not ready.) When we moved here, I was about a 5 of 6, which is REALLY good because for a long time I was a 13.

Back in February, I refilled my birth control prescription online for it to be sent to me. I order 3 at a time and have it sent to me so I don’t have to worry about it. Well, it never showed up. Thankfully, I had a spare pack and was able to re-order and get it here in time. C-money and I had JUST started to consider the notion of possibly pulling the goalie and let nature take it’s course once I ran out of birth control (which would be around June/July). Just a few days ago, guess what shows up in the mail?? My lost prescription. It was a sign. So we now have an arsenal of birth control and we will not be having babies…for a while at least. Sorry, Mom.

So there you have your answer, folks. We are NOT having babies in the near future….You’ll just have to wait to see what happens!

Killer boots, man.

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Image Courtesy of: Google Images

Let’s talk fashion. I’m sure some of you want a break from reading about pubic hairs, camel toes, and farting. I apologize if I’ve offended anyone with my taste in topics to write about. Nevermind. Find another blog to read if you don’t like what I write about. Again, nothing is off topic.

Today, I’ll talk about fashion. Sitka fashion. The boots you see in the photo above are called “Xtra Tuf” boots. They may be one of the ugliest shoes ever made. (Maybe one step above Crocs. But nonetheless, hideous.) Everyone and their brother wears these things. You can find short, mid, and tall heights with the options of regular, insulated, and steel toe. You may have some style options, but you only get one color: poop with calf scour trim. Now, I’m not trying to be a fashion snob. I do understand in some professions these boots are a necessity and that’s fine, but as a waitress at an INDOOR restaurant with no patio?! (I shit you not, we had a waitress at a restaurant wearing Xtra Tufs with a miniskirt and leggings. Haute.)

I love fashion. I always have and always will, so naturally, I refused to purchase such ugly footwear. I chose Hunter. I made C-money buy me a pair of the Original Tall Wellies in matte black (surprise, surprise). I have yet to see any other person wear a pair of Hunter boots. This just adds more to my problem…

There seems to be a label on my forehead that reads “I’m not from here.” I don’t even have to say anything. It doesn’t matter if I say, “hello” and greet people with a smile. Does. Not. Matter. I continually get weird looks from people and anytime someone asks me where I’m from I say, “Montana.” Then comes “the look.” I’ve learned that a lot of people aren’t too happy we’re here. (Without going into details, let’s just say, we’re here temporarily for a city IMPROVEMENT and SOME (not all) locals aren’t too happy about it. Thankfully I recently got Alaska plates and an Alaska driver’s license so I “blend” in a little more.) Welcome to a small town. I spent most of my life growing up in a small town and the day I left I said I would NEVER live in a small town EVER again. Welp, here I am. (At least it’s 9k people instead of 250.) I thought I endured my fair share of close-mindedness, judgement, and gossip…guess not.

The lack of fashion here is depressing. A friend and I ventured downtown to explore the “shopping.” We went to one boutique which was also a men & women’s clothing boutique/home decor/gift/toy store. Random. I didn’t find anything I couldn’t live without. They had some lower end lines to Billabong and O’Neill. It was like Maurices and PacSun had a love child. Not my thing. For denim they had MissMe and other lines that were equally ugly. Okay, ladies. Please help me understand. What the hell is the crave about bedazzled, top-stitched denim (See Exhibit A)? If you are concerned of making your ass look BIGGER, DO NOT wear denim with rhinestones and fleur de lis top-stitching unless you’re striving for a Kim Kardashian badonkadonk. Even if you’re not concerned of making your ass look big, don’t wear them anyway.

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Exhibit A

On top of the lack of fashion in the area, I’ve noticed that not a lot of women wear makeup or do their hair. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no beauty queen. Currently I have a messy, unwashed bun on the top of my head and zero makeup. When I do decide to do something with myself instead of looking like a hot mess, I still get funny looks. Even blow dried hair, a little face makeup and mascara is enough to get looked at funny. Throw on some jeans, Hunter boots, and a cashmere sweater and I get looked at like I have leprosy.

I recently had this conversation with a new friend at the local animal shelter/hospital. She is a local and is also disappointed by the lack of fashion in the area. She advised me to “not give a shit” and wear what I want to wear. I plan on doing just that, because there is no way in hell that I will be caught dead in Xtra Tufs and bedazzled jeans. Ever.